UK to get ‘unified’ border force

A unified border force, isn’t this just a fancy way of saying we’re going to teach more customs officers to swim? Whenever I hear about having a border defense in the UK I can’t help but think we’re surrounded by water so don’t have borders in the normal sense of the word! What are all these new forces going to do, sail up and down the coasts arresting suspicious looking sea lions and fish??

Wouldn’t it be better if we started describing things with actual descriptions rather than these silly tabloidesque ones?